DanteLosGatos

I tried killing my self a few weeks ago, funny thing was I had many options on how to do it, a good stab though my chest hopefully piercing my heart and I would die, or hanging my self, be nice to feel my life choke out of me then there was just running in front of a bus, but then I thought "No" that would be suck for the people on the bus trying to get home, I wouldn't want to inconvenience them, so I went with hanging, seeing how it would be less messy, but as I tied the rope around my neck, my cats started watching me and meowing, and I can see in their faces that they were concern and started meowing, my oldest cat began rubbing his head on my leg, and I wondered was this his way of saying "don't go"
"fuck" was the only thing I could say, I untied the rope and called my grandma, then a suicide help line, I told my wife and friend and they suggested I should go to the hospital to be under suicide watch a week later I'm home, I want to start with a clean slate, I want to erase everything that led me to that mind set

Being good is over rated

I found out that I'm attracted to someone that didn't dawn on me till she started hanging out with new friends when she started talking about them I soon realized that I was jealous then the other realization sinked in and all I feel is a self hatred, loathing I need to get hurt I need to get into a fight I need to feel pain I want to bleed I want to be out cold so I don't feel this way..... For her

Blah blah blah
I would say caw
Then call
My grandpa
Tell him what I saw
The movie jaws
Blah blah blah
I just want to stall
Long enough for empires to fall
Break some balls
It won't be long
History will show the blah blah blah

I feel you in my chest
Just between my breast
I need to run
I have to scream
What are you doing to me
I am weak
I lost my will
I need to cry
I want to die
What are you doing to me
This panic grows
Pushing out my soul
I'm an empty shell
Running on instinct
Moving
Loathing
What are you doing to me
Panic